Tag Archives: dragoste

Scrisoare pentru fata mea II

Buna Erin,

Azi ai implinit 6 luni in burtica. Felicitaaaaari! Te simt cum te bucuri pentru ca esti prezenta, aproape toata ziua, activa de mama focului (ma intreb “oare cu cine semeni ?” 🙂 ) si imi transmiti numai pofta de vacanta. Presimt ca vei fi pasionata de calatorii.

Ai fost tare cuminte pana acum, mi-ai adus foarte putine kilograme (doctorita mi-a spus azi ca sunt “slabanoaga” – eu insist sa cred ca e doar simpatica – totusi, cele 6 kg nu sunt de colo – pentru mine, cel putin), cu poftele nu ne agitam, ma impingi sa mananc vegetarian (singura carne pe care o doresti este cea de vita, rar). In rest, meniul meu, aproape zilnic, consta in salata de vinete, branza de vaci, supa de rosii…si cam atat. Uneori ma intreb din ce ajungi tu sa te dezvolti asa frumos (cantaresti deja 500 grame), sa fie oare de la avalansa de portocale papate? 🙂

Iti marturisesc faptul ca nu am fost prea cuminte, poate ar fi trebuit sa stau mai linistita si sa muncesc mai putin, insa in ultimele trei luni am fost activa ca un titirez, am pregatit temeinic urmatoarele luni (piese noi de lansat, colectia noua de la atelier) pentru ca atunci cand tu te decizi sa iti faci aparitia in viata noastra, sa fie totul aranjat iar eu relaxata si pregatita sa iti dedic toate zilele.

Inca nu ai camera ta, insa ai primit un pat alb tare dragalas si o multime de botosei de la admiratorii mei #sorenation (ai o colectie mare deja – fashion will be your middle name). Eu ti-am cumparat un singur body, incerc sa nu ma las prada tentatiei de a umple dulapiorul tau, mai astept un pic. Apropo, e atat de greu sa gasesti haine pentru bebeluse care sa NU fie roz. Why?!?

A mai ramas putin timp pana cand te voi vedea si altfel decat in ecografii… abia astept! 🙂

DCG-17

photos by: Dan Cristian Gocan

Scrisoare pentru fata mea

Draga mea,

Acum secretul nostru nu mai este doar al nostru… Am facut publica minunea venirii tale pe lume si iti marturisesc cum ca ma incearca multe sentimente noi, pe care inca nu stiu cum sa le gestionez. O parte din mine vrea sa te tina ascunsa in universul nostru de acasa, alta parte vrea sa spuna fiecarei persoane despre cat de minunata vei fi, despre cat de frumos cresti si despre cat de fericita sunt pentru ca m-ai ales.

Voi fi sincera cu tine, nu stiu ce ma asteapta. Primesc sfaturi si aud povesti, insa stiu ca ce vom avea noi doua va fi unic, incomparabil cu alte povesti si tot ce imi pot dori este sa nu te dezamagesc vreodata, sa fii mandra de mama ta, sa nu te jenezi cu parintii tai nici la adolescenta cand stiu ca te vor napadi hormonii varstei si sa fim cele mai bune prietene. Cred ca ne ajuta si diferenta de varsta, atunci cand vei implini 20 de ani sper ca vei fi fericita sa ai o mama de 46 de ani, gata sa te insoteasca la petreceri si sa iti asculte povestile de iubire.

Iti multumesc pentru ca imi oferi cea mai linistita calatorie inspre a te cunoaste, fara simptome deranjante dar bag de seama ca iti place sa ne trezim la trei dimineata sa prindem rasaritul impreuna.. ceva imi spune ca ai suflet de artista. Sper sa mai existe internetul si atunci cand vei vrea sa citesti prima scrisoare adresata tie, ca sa ai dovada vie cum ca mamica ta iti promite in fata tuturor ca absolut orice vei alege sa devii in viata, voi fi sustinatoarea ta numarul 1.

Si iti mai promit ceva: sa te iubesc cum n-am iubit niciodata pana acum, pentru totdeauna!

must NOT have

Aud in fiecare zi povesti in jurul meu despre cum ar trebui sa fie el, despre ce ar trebui sau nu sa faca, cum sa isi miste spranceana dreapta si cum sa sufle aerul afara. Cred ca fiecare femeie s-a convins ca filmele romantice dauneaza grav realitatii.

Drept care, am si eu un shortlist cu acei ei ce trebuiesc evitati ( din pacate, din ce in ce mai multi si de varste diferite) si cred ca orice femeie sanatoasa mi-ar sustine punctul de vedere.

1. Nu foloseste deodorantul.

Am si acum cateodata cosmaruri cu baietii din liceu care nu cred ca auzisera de deodorant si aveau depresii pe anotimpuri. Se intrebau de ce nu au si ei o prietena pe care sa o scoata la un suc dupa ore. E la fel ca in bancul acela .. “Eu nu ma spal pe dinti ca si-asa nu ma pupa nimeni.” PAI DE AIA NU TE PUPA. Nu e nimic mai deranjant ca mirosul de transpiratie ( fetelor, atentie, nici cu cateva dintre voi nu mi-e rusine).

PS: Argumentul “Dar e asa draguuut” nu are ce sa caute.

2. Are mai multe produse de frumusete decat tine. Nu e o comoara.

Ah…….You know what I mean?

3. Scrie mesaje la fel cum scriam eu pe MIRC acum 15 ani, acum ai inteles de ce nu si-a gasit aleasa. (Dc n-ai ints, ins k shi tu scr la fel k el)

Desi se spune ca tehnologia a ucis multe relatii din fasa, eu consider ca le-a si salvat :)).

4. Nu stie sa-si sustina punctul de vedere si apeleaza la: Stii ce zic? Know what I’m saying? Gen? Bosulica? Bosiene? Bosancene?

Eu inteleg ca multi isi doresc sa traiasca visul american si ca e foarte cool cum americanii folosesc ca si virgula “I was like, he was like, we were like omg” dar totusi, nu tot ce zboara se mananca, bosulica. Ce este cu voi? Aveti deficit de vocabular? :))

5. Isi face poze in oglinda la sala

E suficient de gresit la femei, la barbati este deja ingrozitor.

Acestea fiind zise, Iubiti-va mult!

This is how we date now

S-a terminat un an, a inceput altul. Toata lumea isi etaleaza wish list-ul, toate analizele anului anterior sunt postate pe retele de socializare si un card de mesaje menite sa ridice moralul curge pe feed-uri (de tipul: 2014 thank you for the lesson, 2015 i’m ready).

De dorit, si eu imi doresc multe, am vise si planuri, ma face sa reflectez trecerea intr-un nou an. Gandurile mele se invart in jurul trecerii timpului, in jurul varstei pe care o am, in jurul a ce am facut si ce voi face.

Pentru ca stiu ca cei mai multi se gandesc la iubire, la relatii reusite sau nu din trecut, la planuri, vise, frici si dorinte pentru iubiri viitoare… Am gasit pentru voi un articol scris de un barbat care descrie perfect era moderna in care traim si cum ajungem sa ne traim viata pentru altii. Wake up, loved ones! Maybe this year you’ll do it a little bit more different.

1445f8a7b942ad90b69e824c10bba175

We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.

When we choose—if we commit—we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don’t see who’s right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

couples-love-26099165-500-699

We soothe ourselves and distract ourselves and, if we can’t even face the demons inside our own brain, how can we be expected to stick something out, to love someone even when it’s not easy to love them? We bail. We leave. We see a limitless world in a way that no generation before us has seen. We can open up a new tab, look at pictures of Portugal, pull out a Visa, and book a plane ticket. We don’t do this, but we can. The point is that we know we can, even if we don’t have the resources to do so. There are always other tantalizing options. Open up Instagram and see the lives of others, the life we could have. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable. We wonder why we’re dissatisfied. We wonder why nothing lasts and everything feels a little hopeless. Because, we have no idea how to see our lives for what they are, instead of what they aren’t.

And, even if we find it. Say we find that person we love who loves us. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you.” We do it. We find it. Then, quickly, we live it for others. We tell people we’re in a relationship on Facebook. We throw our pictures up on Instagram. We become a “we.” We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. We don’t share the 3am fights, the reddened eyes, the tear-stained bedsheets. We don’t write status updates about how their love for us shines a light on where we don’t love ourselves. We don’t tweet 140 characters of sadness when we’re having the kinds of conversations that can make or break the future of our love. This is not what we share. Shiny picture. Happy couple. Love is perfect.

Then, we see these other happy, shiny couples and we compare. We are The Emoji Generation. Choice Culture. The Comparison Generation. Measuring up. Good enough. The best. Never before have we had such an incredible cornucopia of markers for what it looks like to live the Best Life Possible. We input, input, input and soon find ourselves in despair. We’ll never be good enough, because what we’re trying to measure up to just does not fucking exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. Yet, we can’t believe it. We see it with our own eyes. And, we want it. And, we will make ourselves miserable until we get it.

So, we break up. We break up because we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough, our relationship isn’t good enough. We swipe, swipe, swipe, just a bit more on Tinder. We order someone up to our door just like a pizza. And, the cycle starts again. Emoji. “Good morning” text. Intimacy. Put down the phone. Couple selfie. Shiny, happy couple. Compare. Compare. Compare. The inevitable creeping in of latent, subtle dissatisfaction. The fights. “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” “This isn’t working.” “I need something more.” And, we break up. Another love lost. Another graveyard of shiny, happy couple selfies.

On to the next. Searching for the elusive more. The next fix. The next gratification. The next quick hit. Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, settling. If it’s not Pinterest-worthy, settling.

We realize that this more we want is a lie. We want phone calls. We want to see a face we love absent of the blue dim of a phone screen. We want slowness. We want simplicity. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, favorites, comments, upvotes. We may not know yet that we want this, but we do. We want connection, true connection. We want a love that builds, not a love that gets discarded for the next hit. We want to come home to people. We want to lay down our heads at the end of our lives and know we lived well, we lived the fuck out of our lives. This is what we want even if we don’t know it yet.

LovingCouple

Yet, this is not how we date now. This is not how we love now.

(originally posted on http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/12/this-is-how-we-date-now/)